W4: “Dear dad…”
Dear dad,
How are you doing over there? Are you having an easy time? Counting the days, you have been away from us for 160 days. I miss you.
I told you not to smoke for a long time, you see, you saw me has gotten offer letters from UTAR but you can't wait for me to graduate. I still remember at that time when you were diagnosed, you refuse treatment and rejected chemo. The doctor and us persuaded you several times, finally you accept because you want to fight for us.
During the chemo treatment, you just can only drink nutritious milk powder because you can't swallow or taste any food. You were so unwell and getting slim a day after a day. At that time, every morning at 8 a.m. you will ask me to make your milk, "Celine, are you free? Can you boil water for me?". After a year, you have no detectable cancer cells in your body! So everyone accompanies you into the recovery phase. You were so happy at that time, you walk to your mum's (my grandma) house and share everything you can with her. You even cook again for us because you are getting back your strength.
One day, you start to feel pain in your body again, and everyone is worried again. However, this time, the doctor did not detect cancer cells hiding in your kidneys. A day after the second vaccine shot, you were in so much pain that you had to be admitted to the hospital. On that afternoon, you were suffering from a heart attack in the hospital, so glad we took you to the hospital that day. The most unacceptable thing is that the doctor said that you have no treatment plan anymore, the cancer in your body has spread to your all bones.
At that time, the epidemic was serious, and the hospital required us to do PCR before entering and accompany you to spend the last time. My mother and I went to do it, but the hospital suddenly said that only one person can go in and can't come out after entering, and my mother went in. For various reasons, I was able to go in and see you for 15 minutes, the last time we spoke face to face.
I still can't accept it. There are still many places we haven't been to together, but you left early. Do you remember how many family trips we had? Not more than ten times! It's because of your smoking habit that you don't want to fly, but it's also because of smoking that it took your life. I am so mad at you, but I just recently watched cancer TV shows and movies, "The Big C" and "A Little Red Flower,". I couldn't help but be drawn into the movies, blaming myself for not being able to empathize with your pain. It's okay, I know you are being by my side but I just can't see you.
Anyway, see you in the next life!
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